


No Regrets

by LeDiz



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Ash is a hero, Gen, Kalos grand final, Lysandre is scary, explaining weirdness with more weirdness, that sucks sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:39:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8892799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeDiz/pseuds/LeDiz
Summary: For the first time in a long time, Ash is starting to think he could actually win a league. If only he could get his head in the game.





	

As the red suit faded into the darkness, Ash shifted his weight, still not entirely sure why he felt so…

Actually, he wasn’t entirely sure what he felt.

Lysandre had been so enthusiastic. So nice. And all he’d asked for was a meeting. Sure, it had been kind of strange, the way he asked for it… ‘Let’s make a promise’. But it was hardly the weirdest way of talking he’d ever heard. Lysandre would have to work a lot harder to match the people in Unova.

So why did it feel like that whole conversation had been… something else?

Like… like they’d been talking about something different. Something other than what it had sounded like. That’s what it felt like – he couldn’t think of any other way to describe it. It was like watching one of those kids’ movies where they dubbed over the pokemon with voice actors, and you could tell it was nothing like what the pokemon had been saying. Or, at least, Ash had always been able to tell. Gary used to tell him he was being stupid.

“Pikapi?”

He pulled back into himself, then turned to Pikachu on his shoulder. It looked confused, but more concerned than anything – it was probably picking up on how he felt, more than feeling anything like that itself.

“Pikachu?” it asked, and he forced a smile. It was the night before his first ever league final. He couldn’t afford to get his pokemon worried!

“Of course I’m okay! Just trying to remember the rest of my speech. I had one all planned out for you guys and now I can’t remember where I’m up to!” he said, and the other pokemon chuckled, but from Pikachu’s look he knew he hadn’t managed to fool it. But it wasn’t about to call him out on it in front of the others, so he just turned and gave them all a triumphant grin. “Well, whatever it was, it doesn’t matter. Because you guys all know what I’m gonna say! You guys are the best team I’ve ever had. If we all work together, and battle hard, there’s—”

_No way we can lose_. That’s how he had meant to finish that. It was what he wanted to say. What he said in his head.

“—nothing to regret! Now, are you guys ready to win this?”

They all cheered.

They had no idea he’d meant to say anything else.

Just like he had no idea why he hadn’t.

 

* * *

 

Pikachu was waiting for him when he came out of the bathroom. He might’ve been surprised—normally Pikachu would be playing with Dedenne or taking advantage of Ash’s absence to get up to mischief—but he knew it was worried about him.

Heck, _he_ was kind of worried. He’d tried to push it out of his head, but even while he’d been in the shower, his mind just kept going over everything that had happened that day.

It had started with his battle with Sawyer. It had been so… they’d been so focussed on beating each other. Their battle hadn’t really been about the pokemon.

Ash couldn’t say he’d done the best he could have – he’d been too worried about how Sawyer would respond to his strategies to work the way he should have. He’d been too scared to think outside the box; to take the risks he should have. He was proud of the battle, sure, and grateful to Sawyer for bringing him back down to earth when he’d been getting cocky, so he was glad to have given him a good fight, but…

That hadn’t been the kind of trainer Ash wanted to be.

Talking to Professor Sycamore and getting a kind of explanation for Greninja’s special power should have made him feel better, and honestly it kind of had. It had been so great to finally know what it was. Even if he didn’t quite believe that Greninja had known all along – that it’d been looking for someone to make the transformation complete. He just didn’t think that was right. But the rest of it was good. A nice, helpful explanation, to make everyone stop wondering. Nothing to do with Ash himself – just that he believed in his pokemon enough to trigger it. That was good. Great, even.

But then… Lysandre.

Why had he made Ash so nervous?

Why did he keep running the words over in his head, trying to find something he _knew_ wasn’t there? Lysandre was interested in mega evolutions, and bonds, just like Professor Sycamore. He’d just wanted to talk to Ash about Greninja. There was nothing weird about it.

“Pikachu Pikapi? Pika?” Pikachu asked, and Ash paused for another moment before crouching down in front of it.

He ignored the question he knew he’d been asked. “Big day tomorrow, huh? The league finals. We’ve never made it this far before. It’s kind of scary.”

Pikachu met his gaze with searching eyes. Then, eventually, it raised a clenched fist. “Pikachu pi!”

“Of course we will!” he agreed. “We may not have ever beaten Alain before, but he’s never had to face you! Together, we’ll show him real power, what do you say?”

“Pika!” it said, but its smile quickly faded, and it walked forward on its hind legs to touch his knee. “Pikachu, Pikapi. Pika. Pikachu.”

The sincerity of it sliced right through Ash’s brave face. “You really think we can win?”

“Pika,” it said again, and leaned up as if to get closer, searching his face again. “Pikachupi? Pikapika pi pikachu.”

“I – I don’t know, maybe I am just nervous,” he admitted quietly. “This is the first time we’ve gotten this far, and part of me thinks we really can do it this time. That we could win. And I did so well against Diantha that one time – I feel like… like maybe, maybe this time… with this team… We could really do it, Pikachu.”

It nodded, prompting him onward. “Pika?”

“But… But I’ve thought that before. The Lily of the Valley,” he said, and then set his jaw. “I don’t know, maybe part of me is just getting ready for it to all fall apart.”

“Pi-kachu!” Pikachu insisted, reaching forward to tug on his shorts. “Pikachu, Pikapi! Pika! Pikachu!”

He looked at it again. It was so sure. So sure they could do it. He grinned and scooped it up, squeezing it just tight enough to make it whine. “Yeah! You’re right – this time for sure! We can absolutely do it this time!”

“Pikapi!” it laughed, shoving at him, but he just made a point of squeezing tighter until they were both giggling madly, static sparking just enough to make Ash’s teeth numb.

Then, he eventually pulled away, and the two of them just smiled at each other for a minute, until Pikachu reached out and patted his arm. It would let him have the secret of what was really worrying him, if only because he didn’t really know what it was himself. But it wouldn’t let him go to bed without knowing it was there for him.

“Pika pikachu, Pikapi,” it said. “Pi-pika-pikachu pi.”

“Everything will absolutely be okay,” he repeated quietly, and Pikachu nodded.

“Pika.”

And somehow, Ash felt like it would be.

 

* * *

 

Pikachu was really into it, this time. This whole conference, it had really been bringing its A-game, and Ash was right there with it. If Pikachu was going to bring the best it had, then so would he.

_We can do it,_ it had told him. _For sure. We can do it._

They could. They could do it this time. They _would_ do it this time. They were absolutely going to win this!

**For what, though?**

He clenched his teeth against the random thought, swinging his arms up over his chest in a cross and forcing himself to focus.

_We can do it. For sure. We can do it_

It was almost easy, taking down Tyranitar. But he couldn’t get cocky. Getting cocky had started his losing streak. He called Pikachu back and sent out Noivern. They would do this together. All seven of them. Together, as a team.

_We can do it_.

**But… does it really matter?** The words flashed in his head, distracting him from Noivern’s flight pattern. **What are you going to prove by winning here? What would really be the point?**

“Noivern!” he yelled as his dragon crashed into the ground. He ran forward, berating himself already. He let himself get distracted, he should’ve – he should’ve gotten it to dodge more. Noivern was so agile for its size, he should’ve _used_ that, not gone for –

No. No, he couldn’t think like that, he told himself firmly, and looked up to meet Hawlucha’s gaze. The next battle was waiting for them. They needed to focus on avenging their teammate.

They would take back their lead. They could win this.

And as Weavile was knocked out, and Hawlucha stood strong despite all its injuries, Ash felt triumph settle on his shoulders. They _would_ win this.

He looked across the battlefield, to meet his opponent’s eyes and thank him for a good battle. Despite the loss, Alain looked satisfied. It _was_ a great battle, after all. And they were both putting in everything they had.

Alain needed this, Ash realised, his smile warming with the thought. He didn’t know Alain that well – didn’t know what could have possibly convinced him to join the league, let alone driven him to win eight badges in such a short time. But he could feel that this was something Alain really had needed to do. This was good for him.

**Winning the conference will be good for him.**

The thought came out of nowhere, and Ash clenched his fists, actively shoving it away with a swing of his arms. “Use X-Scissor!”

Ash didn’t know Alain that well. Didn’t know what drove him. So how could he know what Alain could possibly get out of a win? Who was he to say it would be better for him to win than it would for Ash?

Ash needed this too. He _wanted_ this. He had promised so many people…!

**But will it really hurt any of them if you fail?**

“High-jump kick!” he yelled, and immediately wished he could take it back. Bisharp was too fast, Hawlucha was too injured, this was too much of a risk –

The defeat was inevitable at that point.

He recalled his fighter and tried to interject some confidence into his voice as he readied them all for the next round.

An unfezant. He knew how to handle unfezant. And this one couldn’t even compare to his own. It was _nothing_ compared to Talonflame. “Get your speed up, with Flame Charge!”

He had promised his mother. He’d said he would come home a winner. He promised her.

Despite himself, his eyes flickered away from the battle, over to Alain. He looked so happy. So determined, but relaxed, at the same time. He looked… free.

It didn’t matter what had driven him to join the league. It had been a choice he’d made. A path he’d taken, on his own, to get here, to this day, to this battle. This meant more than maybe even Alain himself knew.

Ash clenched his teeth and stared up at the sky, barely able to focus on Talonflame’s energy. It – how much damage had it taken? It – it had to have another Brave Bird in it. Right?

It might have. But it couldn’t do it _and_ take another attack head on. Both birds landed hard and didn’t get up again.

Ash took a deep breath as the field changed. At least they were even at this point.

_We can do it. For sure._

And he’d prove it, with Pikachu again.

“Agility!”

Man, that was a fast metagross! But even as his partner struggled to keep up with the massive steel type, Ash could feel himself settling into the rhythm and focussing. His head got back in the game, and he nodded to himself. They could do this. They _would_ do this.

“Get on top of Metagross!”

“What?!”

Psychics needed to be able to see their opponents, and Metagross couldn’t reach the top of its own head. On top was the safest place to be, and it was also the best place for a thunderbolt. Pikachu just had to stay on top. Keep it up, keep it up, and if it couldn’t –

“Electroball!”

With Pikachu, he had this.

“Charizard, go!”

Ash shifted his stance, preparing himself just as Pikachu did out in the field.

They’d known it was coming, of course – Ash had just kind of hoped they could get another crack at the bisharp first. Pikachu was too far gone to handle Charizard; there was no way it could last them both. Heck, as much as Ash believed in his partner, he knew the best he could have hoped for was a double knock-out even with Bisharp.

Ash stretched his fingers, thinking it through. Goodra could maybe take Charizard if it didn’t mega-evolve, but it wasn’t fast enough for Bisharp. Not if Bisharp survived the first Bide. It didn’t have enough battle experience – it wouldn’t be able to take advantage of what it had.

**Then you should have brought your own Charizard,** the soft thoughts reminded him. **Or Kingler. One of the tauros, even. The herd leader could take it.**

It would have been the tactical decision. Goodra fit better with the team, but it wasn’t a league battler. It was a leader of armies.

**You didn’t want this enough.**

No. He did. He had Greninja, and the Bond Phenomenon.

He just… that wasn’t how he wanted it. Not this time. Not today. He didn’t know why – maybe he wanted to do this with Pikachu. Maybe it was something else. He had no idea, he just didn’t want to bring out Greninja today.

But Pikachu was too far gone. It couldn’t keep it up. Not after those first two amazing battles.

He’d expected it. He knew he had. But he still ran onto the field with his heart in his mouth. “Are you okay?”

Pikachu was so disappointed. Ash smiled, trying to show it how proud he was with just his eyes. “Thanks so much. You were just awesome. Now leave the rest to us.”

He looked up and watched Charizard roar in triumph, nostalgia reminding him of his own charizard’s pride. He knew just how to react.

“Oh, we’re just getting warmed up!”

They could still do this. He would still win this.

He adjusted his gloves, going back to his tactical planning. On the one hand, he knew Goodra couldn’t take Charizard once it was mega-evolved. But he was absolutely confident that Greninja could. If Charizard was worn down a little beforehand, it would be absolutely fine to handle Bisharp as well.

And who knew? Goodra was a hero in its own right – the leader of the wetlands. It could totally take on that overgrown lizard.

And even if it couldn’t, he could at least make Alain work for this.

**Alain _needs_ to work for it. He needs to earn this. Needs to know how much he’s overcome, and how hard it’s been to get here. Just how much he’s accomplished through his own choices.**

The thought distracted Ash enough that he was caught off-guard by Alain switching out Charizard for Bisharp. He clenched his fist, thinking of blades—that guillotine—and the sudden realisation that Goodra didn’t understand them. It knew how to deal with natural attacks. Energy, plants, life. It didn’t understand fights like this.

They would get through this, though. They would persevere. “Use bide!”

But he made the mistake of looking across the battlefield, and catching Alain’s expression.

**You know he needs this.**

Well, he needed this too, he told himself savagely, steeling himself against another onslaught. They all did. This was the best team he’d ever built. They understood each other – worked together in a way none of his other teams ever had. Sure, he had stronger pokemon, with more experience, but they were individuals. _This_ was a group effort. That was what mattered – win or lose, they were in this _together_.

**So what will it really matter, if they lose?**

“Guillotine!”

No!

Ash jerked, but there was nothing he could do. The energy blades ripped through Goodra’s neck, leaving no marks but… it didn’t matter. His leader of the wetlands was down.

He returned Goodra, trying to ignore the part of him that was resigned. That knew how this was going to go.

Because he didn’t know. Greninja was – the Bond Phenomenon made Greninja one of the strongest pokemon Ash had ever had. Maybe even _the_ strongest. It was fresh. Bisharp was hiding how much it was struggling, and Charizard had definitely felt those Thunderbolts. Greninja could do this.

They could do this.

“Bisharp is unable to battle! Greninja is the winner!”

In one strike! Two moves! It wasn’t just that they could do this – they _would_ do this!

**But why?** a voice inside asked. **Why do you need this?**

What would it prove? That Ash had gotten stronger? He had already done that by getting here, to the finals. Heck, he’d done that weeks ago, when he’d held his own against Diantha. Months back, when he’d guided three legendaries against six, including the master of space itself, and nearly made it.

**Why do you need to prove yourself anyway? Who really cares if you’re able to beat a pokemon league? Since when has that meant anything, really?**

Ash sliced through the thought, focussing on the match with a pumped fist. “You know what, Greninja? We couldn’t have asked for a better opponent! Let’s give them one hundred percent!”

They weren’t going to lose. They’d put everything they had into this.

Even – even if…

“I can’t lose to anyone again!” Alain announced, and thrust a hand forward, fingers stretched into claws. “Charizard, Dragon Claw!”

**He needs this. He needs this win.**

The pain cut through Ash, stabbing from his collar to his gut, and he grabbed at his shoulders. But it was nothing he couldn’t handle. And this – this battle was as good as it got. So he was going to give it all he had!

“Ready for more?” he yelled, and flung his arm up over his head, feeling the energy build in the palm of his hand. “Water shurikan!”

“Blast Burn!”

There! There he could… just beyond the edges of his sight, if they just aimed for that spot, there was –

**Don’t let them see that. You _absolutely cannot_ let that man see that.**

His fingers twitched, and he lost it. Whatever it was, the shining light was gone. They could only throw the shurikan, with no regrets. Full power, no regrets.

The pain arced through him, but it was nothing. Nothing he couldn’t handle. He could make it. They could make it. They would be –

**Let it go, Ash. Let this one go.**

**He needs this.**

**This one battle.**

**_Just let it go._ **

No regrets.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t hard to smile. It wasn’t like the losses he’d had before.

Yeah, he’d made mistakes. If he could go back, he would do things differently. Make different calls. Leave Goodra out of the battle until the very end – Bisharp hadn’t needed more whittling down; Greninja could have taken it. He should have pushed Talonflame’s speed more before that final Brave Bird.

But it wasn’t like before. The battle had been so awesome, and Alain had truly deserved to win the league.

Ash had no regrets.

“Pikachu?” Pikachu asked quietly, just before Ash handed it over to Nurse Joy.

“Everything’s great,” he said. “Thanks for all your hard work, buddy. Now you go rest up.”

For some weird reason… he wanted everyone back at full strength as soon as possible.

The attendants clustered around, asking if he wanted refreshments or a shower or anything else before the award ceremony. He just laughed and thanked them all, asking for an orange juice if it wasn’t too much trouble. They kept waiting, like they expected more, but he didn’t need anything else, so in the end they just glanced at each other before hurrying off to get his drink.

In the meantime, Ash walked over to the window and stared up at the horizon.

This wasn’t the end. He still had places to go. Pokemon to meet. Ways to get stronger.

And he had a feeling he still had things to do today, too. He didn’t have time to get all bogged down in feeling sorry for himself.

It had been a battle to be proud of.

There would never be any regrets.

**Author's Note:**

> So being the impatient person I am, I watched most of the end of XYZ in Japanese. Now it's being slowly released in English, so I'm rewatching it because when the dubbers for pokemon get it right, they get it RIGHT. And I gotta say, that final battle still doesn't make a lot of sense to me except from a storytelling perspective. Alain needed to win, while Ash just doesn't.
> 
> (And you could argue a lot of stuff about how it's important to show that even the strongest people can lose and blah blah it's been twenty frikkin years, guys, give the kid a break, blah...)
> 
> Anyway. This is my head canon as to why Ash lost the league. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
